Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Chats with Chlo | Anxiety

This is something I'm wanting to address on a personal level. I've been wanting to post this for a while, but struggled to find the words. So I wanted to tell you, probably one of the biggest parts of me... a part that some people closest to me don't even really know much. I suffer with anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder.

When did it start?
Since I was about 12 years old, I've always felt paranoid. Self-conscious. Worried. I put it down to the fact that my body was changing as I was growing up, and I thought that it was completely normal. Which really it was. But this stemmed into a huge web of feelings. I started to worry about really really REALLY pointless things. I'd become panicky in my head over actual and hypothetical situations to the point of being short of breath, sweating and feeling dizzy. It's only in my later years that I recognised this as anxiety. I know that a ton of people suffer with anxiety on very serious level, and I'd like to think that mine is manageable... sometimes.

What triggers my anxiety?Anything can trigger it. I know it's completely irrational, and that is what frustrates me the most. I'll give you a little example. Let's say I get on a bus, and it's a long journey. Any normal person would read a magazine, or listen to music wouldn't they? Not me. Some people might find this hilarious - but I really do have a problem with such a simple task as this. I don't like to read in public, because I have a fear that I have a really ugly resting/concentration face. I don't like to listen to music in public in case it's too loud and upsets others (which could cause conflict), or that I'm subconsciously heavy breathing (which would be embarrassing to me). A lot of it is rooted to the fact that I am mostly unhappy with my appearance.

How does anxiety and BDD affect my day-to-day life?
I have a love-hate relationship with myself; sometimes I like to be alone at University, and sometimes I really rely on being with people to feel comfortable. I wouldn't say I have a lot of friends at Uni. Back to the irrational thinking, simple things like sitting in lectures can trigger my anxiety. For example, I could be sat alone in a lecture and the people I know could be sat on the other side of the room and some days I could think 'Why don't they want to sit with me? Do they not like me? Am I boring/annoying? Maybe I look bad today, I knew I shouldn't have worn this today...' which then you can imagine stems into a list of worrying. It really isn't normal, and I know that now.

I am a million times better than I used to be. If anyone I know at work/uni/anywhere actually reads this then I really don't want you to be cautious or wary with me. And I'm sorry if I say something awkward or weird, but sometimes I really just can't control it. If you feel anything like I do, there's a huge network for people that suffer with social anxiety, personal anxiety etc. I've read up about it on Anxiety UK and particularly I found this self-help workbook on Moodjuice useful to look at as well.

This took a lot for me to write, and this is kind of like a public confession... and I guess that's it, really. So if you've read all of this, then thank you. And I promise my next blog post won't be so self-involved. Until next time, guys!

Monday, 18 August 2014

Where On EARTH Have You Been, Chlo?

I really am rubbish at this blogging business! I know I say this every blog post, but I seriously am going to be a bit more pro-active. I've been super busy lately, as I've got a summer job and it takes up literally all my time! So for this, I'm just gonna post a few pictures and give you a little caption. So, Chlo, what on EARTH have you been up to?!

Getting My New House Stuff Ready!
I'm moving into my new student house on either the 12th or 15th of September. Let me tell you; I am SO excited. I'll obviously be taking photos and letting you know how I've kitted out my room. This was taken before I moved in, so none of this is me. I bought some cute cushions the other day for that little white sofa, and I was almost squealing with excitement.

Freshers Festival 2014!
At my University, there's an annual organised sequence of events, usually aimed at the brand new freshers to urge them to make friends. To be honest, I never really did this when I started (Despite this technically being my third year!), and I feel like I need to experience it at least once; so yep. I mean, I've always gone out with my friends during freshers week, and took full advantage of all the nice offers and discounts they're giving to 'us freshers'. It's okay, I don't need to grow up yet...

Erm... Healthy(ish) Eating?
I'd absolutely love to tell you that I've been eating healthy this Summer. But I really haven't. Well, not super strictly. I feel like when I'm at home, I'm not strict enough with what I eat - so when I get back to Uni, I'm gonna be more pro-active with the healthy eating and exercise. WHO'S WITH ME? 

Poorly Poorly Chlo!
I had a solid few days off work because I was feeling so so poorly. At first I thought I had tonsillitis - my glands were so swollen and it hurt to swallow. I'd been to the doctors for some antibiotics and they'd sent me to have some blood tests - but never fear, I'm all better now. 

Unexpected Day Off Work & Trip to Birchwood!
Yesterday I was getting ready for work, when I got a phone call off my manager saying that work was closed for the day because of weather conditions. Which as much as I need the money, I didn't mind too much. I ended up helping my Dad's girlfriend move her daughter out of her house - we were well rewarded for all our help, with a fabulous pub lunch... and then a huge slice of cake. If you're on a diet, look away.... NOW!

Like seriously. How could you NOT have any of this cake?! It took me three sittings to eat it over the course of the entire day, and I ended up throwing the rest away because it was just too much to deal with!

If you've got to the very end, thanks very much! If you wanna give me a little follow on BlogLovin', that would be absolutely fab! I love to be nosey and see what you guys are up to, so just leave your URL links in the comments, or tweet me!

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

I'm Making A Change!

I've decided to concentrate on my health and lifestyle. It's taken a few horrible things to have happened to make me want to change something about it, but I'm assured I want to try again to lose a bit more weight. 

My first thought was 'Christ, I'm at work a lot of time, I'll come home and be knackered, if I barely have the energy to blog, what makes you think you can go to the gym and eat healthy all the time?!' so I thought how can I combine the two? So here we are. 

It doesn't look like a lot right now, but this is what I'll be blogging on for a little while in Summer. Meet my secret alter ego, Chubby Bunny. I thought it sounded cute and not so self-loathing. I don't have a huge amount of followers, so I don't mind you guys knowing that it's me but for some new folk... I quite like the idea of being semi-anonymous. If some of you are interested in fitness, weight loss, or just healthy lifestyle - just pop on over, give me some advice or let's get chatting. I could use all the help I can get really. 

If anyone at all is interested in following me on my weight loss journey (however short-lived or long-lived it will be!), just click the buttons below. I'm hoping to post at least twice a week, maybe on a Monday/Tuesday then at the end of the week so Friday/Saturday. And in between all them, I'm gonna be blogging on here every other week... because to be awfully honest, not a lot is going on right now in Chlo world! 

I know this community is supportive, strong and all round fabulous people - so let's spread a little love, ey? :) 

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